The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
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Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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