Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
