HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Non-Jews are for practice
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
