the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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