didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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