So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
