I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
