In the future we'll all be gay
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
