i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
