Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
