Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
