creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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