I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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