Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
