Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
