I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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