That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
