Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
