i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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