you guys were way drunker than both of me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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