Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Barsexuality is the new black.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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