Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
