i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just come out here and I will go home with you...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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