After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
