They should really pass out barf bags in church
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
