sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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