yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
