i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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