Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
