Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
