I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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