I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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