why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
