Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
