Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
