found the other keg... it's in the tree
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
