JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
