I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
