I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
