I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
