HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
