somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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