last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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