I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
