i think my tv is drunk
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
