I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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