My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
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All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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