so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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