Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize