doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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