his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
