I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
