When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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