We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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