I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
