Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
