Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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