I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
