After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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