where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
