Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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