Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
