I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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