hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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