TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
