and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
