If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
