he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
