Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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