And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just wanna soil my oats bro
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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