Barsexuality is the new black.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
