im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize