It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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