we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
