you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
