Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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