My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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