did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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