Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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