I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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