I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Welp...herpes.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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