i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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