In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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