my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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